Recognizing the Problem: Let’s Do Sum’n Different…
New to Choose YOU Pocket Coaching? Read this first.
Have you ever asked yourself:
Why does he keep treating me so badly when all I do is love him, twist myself around to keep the peace, and try to make him happy?
How could she find so much fault in everything I do, while I’m constantly turning a blind eye to her hurtful and inexcusable behavior?
Why does mom treat me like my accomplishments are meaningless, my feelings are irrelevant, and my mistakes are unforgivable… yet, she’s able to embrace others with so much encouragement, kindness, and understanding? Why am I not good enough for my own mother?
I know my weaknesses, I’ve created boundaries that can protect an entire country, and I’ve raised my standards… so why do I keep ending up in the same situations with the kind of people I swore I’ll never allow in my life?
I have.
In fact, I’ve repeatedly asked all of these questions (and more) and constantly wondered if my life will ever get better.
You Can Break Free from the Toxic Cycle. You Don’t Have to be Stuck in it Forever.
While real recovery from narcissistic abuse isn’t easy, once you’re going full speed on the right track, you’ll find yourself no longer emotionally dependent on the narcissist… AND… no longer suckered into similar situations.
First, we must understand that a person with NPD thinks, reason, and behave as they do - NATURALLY. Their automatic instincts includes: 1. avoiding shame at all cost and 2. seeking out external reactions to validate their existence. This is how they NATURALLY function. So, it’s up to YOU to take them as they are or shut them out because there is no changing them.
It is just as important for us to understand that wounds from narcissistic abuse as well as relationships with emotionally absent partners, parents, and others, won’t heal and vanish simply with time or disappear no matter how far you move away.
Because repeated attacks on our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions are stored in the part of our mind that holds our automatic instincts.
It becomes the very SOURCE of how we function in life.
That’s why…
Just learning about NPD and talking about it in support groups won’t fix our current problems or heal our emotional wounds.
Becoming strong enough to cope with our pain or learning what to do "next time” isn’t what REAL recovery looks like.
Even though we’re able to recognize our self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors and clearly visualize the personal boundaries we’ve created… we can’t seem to apply the new knowledge in real-time.
Recovery is hard. Our brains resist change because it clings to familiarity - even if familiarity is EXCRUCIATING PAIN.
But living every day swinging back and forth between feeling happy and strong to depressed and worthless is exhausting and frustrating. Even worse is believing you’ve healed, only to find yourself in the same heartbreaking situation and repeating the same damaging patterns, months and years later.
Aren’t You Sick of Feeling Stuck, Defeated, and Broken?
I’ll help you understand how and why these hurtful people and situations slipped into your life in the first place and continue to re-appear in different forms no matter how much self-work you do. This will give you the clarity and knowledge to decide on the best course of action to take back your life.
Welcome to the Choose YOU! Pocket Coaching
What’s Pocket Coaching?
Unlike private coaching where we hop on the phone to chat for 60 minutes, or online courses that you work through modules alone or with a cohort, my Pocket Coaching is an ongoing journey to break free from narcissistic abuse that I walk WITH you.
You’ll be armed with (depending on your subscription tier):
the most pertinent information on narcissistic abuse and emotional recovery backed by science and real-life experiences,
tools to help remove and replace any distorted thoughts and beliefs that affect how you view yourself and function in your life,
the opportunity to get answers to your most pressing questions,
receive my private notes with tips that helped me in my own recovery… as well as the mistakes I made that threw me waaaaay off track,
unlike therapy or single, transformative experiences from workshops and seminars, we’ll engage in intentional self-work on a DAILY basis
Everything will be accessible through email, this website, or the free Substack app - without scheduling appointments!
In Your Corner:
Carmen Sakurai, BS Psy, Certified Trauma-Informed CBT Coach Practitioner, Survivor
I’m a Trauma-Informed Coach Practitioner of several types of psychotherapy with over 20 years of education, training, and experiences. I’m also trained in Mental and Behavioral Health Studies with focus on Stress Management, Burnout Prevention, Depression, and Suicide/Violent Behavior.
But those years of education and training did not grant me immunity from manipulation and abuse. I’ve experienced the crazy-making, constantly made excuses for those who repeatedly hurt me, and continued to find myself in the same situation I promised never to repeat. I’m also not ashamed to admit using the National Lifeline at my darkest moment.
I know this isn’t just a bad breakup that you can move on from
I know how it is to feel so hopeless and exhausted that you just want to give up and be spared from the endless grief and struggles
I started suffering symptoms of Complex PTSD and showing signs of Borderline Personality traits. Are you kidding me? I’m a single mom raising my son and running a business alone. I can’t afford to be damaged like this!
So I made a commitment to focus on my recovery for just 24 hours. Then another 24 hours after that. I continued to repeat this and before I knew it, the self loathing, worthlessness, fear of abandonment, emptiness, daily flashbacks, uncontrollable thoughts and emotions… went QUIET.
My commitment to choosing ME has become automatic and am now at a point where I appreciate and respect who I am, enjoy being flashback and trigger free, and effortlessly defend my peace.
Let’s get you through this together.
DISCLAIMER
I am not a licensed therapist and the information and validation I share is from the perspective of a narcissistic abuse survivor for informational and educational purposes only. Information contained in this site is in no way a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or other qualified health providers with questions you may have regarding your condition.
What’s Inside?
The Choose YOU! Podcast is broadcasted every Monday. These weekly episodes are provided as a type of “audio coaching” where I cover important facts to guide you through the NPD abuse recovery journey, smash myths that could potentially hinder your progress, and answer your questions. Podcast episodes always come with supporting worksheets, checklists, and/or helpful resources.
🎧 Subscribe to the Choose YOU Podcast:
Download on iTunes or use your private podcast link and listen on your favorite podcast app!
Podcast episodes comes with a Weekly Check-In to delve deeper into what was covered in the week’s podcast episode including: the science behind it, why it’s important in your healing & breakthrough, and how you can use it to empower yourself.
You can listen to the Choose YOU! Podcast in your email, on the web, or in the Substack app where you’ll also find full transcripts.
Pocket Coaching
Paying subscribers have access to interactive support and guidance, as well as more extensive tools and resources including:
Each month, I introduce a Focus Topic to provide clear direction for your self-guided healing journey. This is supported by
Case Studies of my actual clients, including the emotional injuries we’ve identified and their steps to recovery - OR
Pattern Adjustment Homework with proven steps to remove and replace any distorted thoughts and beliefs that affect how you view yourself and engage with every aspect of your life
Virtual Q&A where you can ask your questions to clarify, receive validation, and get support every other Friday (free subscribers have access to 1st Q&A in each session).
Voice Notes - these are behind the scenes audios & videos where I share my observations, mistakes & assumptions during my own recovery (so, it’s actually much more than “voice” notes).
SOS Cards to help guide you out of stuck-points when you’re feeling weak & confused… as well as tools to help remove and replace any distorted thoughts and beliefs that affect how you view yourself and engage with every aspect of your life.
Community Privileges to post comments and ask your questions.
Access to ALL archives including previous posts (free subscribers have access to posts from the past 60 days)
… and more!
Advocate / Founding Members
Subscribers in the Advocate level have access to all Paid Pocket Coaching benefits, plus…
Virtual Master Classes and Workshops that I host throughout the year (I’m aiming for 3x a year), which includes:
Full-length videos of each lesson
Worksheets & exercises
Q & As for each lesson
50-Minute 1:1 Coaching Call for $50 - One weekend a month, I reserve a block of time for this group to get answers to your most pressing questions and concerns. (Current rate - $197 for 60 mins.)
PLUS, your subscription supports paid subscriptions for survivors struggling financially. Thank you for your help in making recovery accessible to those who would not be able to receive it otherwise.
Why are Comments Open to Paid Members Only?
It’s important that CY! Pocket Coaching is a safe space for everyone.
It takes COURAGE to take those first steps to heal from narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships. Admitting that something was not right in your family, romantic relationship, friendship, etc., is difficult as it is… but stepping up and getting help? That’s a BIG DEAL.
As such, it is essential to have a clear and safe space to properly process and work through it all without added grief or unnecessary interference.
That last part. I’m well aware that there are those who intentionally (and unintentionally) invalidate and gaslight survivors who seek guidance or speak up about their experiences. That’s not OK.
You’ve been silenced long enough… now is your time to CHOOSE YOU, your well-being, your recovery, and a life where you are genuinely happy & safe.
Since the podcast is available to the public and weekly check-ins are available for free, the paywalled comment sections and chats makes certain our discussions are private and safe.
However You Choose to Join Us…
Together, we’ll throw EVERYTHING I have at what you’re fighting against: my education in personality disorders, training in human behavior, and my personal experience as a survivor.
You will learn to confidently #ChooseYOU.
I believe you. You’re NOT alone.
XOXO,
Carmen
I invite you to visit my website at CarmenSakurai.com for more resources to support your recovery and re-building (if you forget how to spell my name, go to HelpMeCarmen.com). And follow me on Facebook, Instagram and Tiktok.