What is Gray Rock and How do You Implement It?
If you’ve been reading up on ways to recover from narcissistic abuse, you’ve no doubt come across the term “gray rock”.
According to Skylar, the woman who coined the term:
The Gray Rock Method is primarily a way of encouraging a narcissist, psychopath, stalker or other emotionally unbalanced person, to lose interest in you.
If you have toxic family members, co-workers, or acquaintances that you MUST temporarily share air & space with, going Gray Rock is key. These are the toxic people with whom you do NOT have a legal obligation.
You basically remove all emotion from words and actions when interacting with toxic individuals. Be painfully boring… like a “gray rock.” Practice self control and keep required responses to the bare minimum.
Remember: Narcs draw supply from both positive and negative feedback… refuse to be a source and cut off all supply.
Example convo with a narc at a mutual friend’s birthday party:
Toxic person: Hey! I haven’t seen you in a while…
You: Yeah, it’s been a while.
Toxic person: Did you hear? I got that promotion! My boss announced to the entire department that there’s never been a more high-performing employee than me!
You: Nice. Congrats.
Toxic person: Now that I’m a “big deal” my calendar is completely booked with dates… but I still feel weird dating people from work!
You: Well, it will work out for the best I’m sure.
Toxic person: Something wrong? You seem quieter than usual.
You: Nah. The weather’s been unusually warm this week so it’s got me feeling real mellow.
Toxic person: Well, I wanted to catch up but it doesn’t seem like you want to talk, so I’ll get going.
You: Oh, ok. Sorry you feel that way… take care.
The goal is to AVOID THE BAIT and encourage them to go away.
In this example, they wanted you to celebrate them. When that didn’t work, they shifted the focus on finding fault with you… until finally leaving your space in search for a better source.
Be SELECTIVE where you invest your time and energy! Decide NOW that you will no longer feed the narcissist’s ego only to be left feeling lousy.
And be so BORING that even you’ll want to walk away from yourself. 😉
* yawn *